Why do I keep finding reasons not to do the things I want to?

Why do I keep finding reasons not to do the things I want to? I have just watched a very insightful TED talk by Amanda Crowell. She talks about the reasons we never get round to making progress on some of our goals, which she calls “defensive failure”.

Amanda is a cognitive psychologist, and she believes that there are three main reasons we do this to ourselves. She calls these mindset blocks, which our mind uses to prevent us from the pain of real failure.

Firstly, we believe that we can’t do it, based on our genes and talents. To overcome this, we need to develop a growth mindset. This allows us to see our failures as opportunities to learn. Success comes from repeated effort, over time. Gradually we get better at the thing we want to do. I did this with my blogging by simply deciding to get started. I accepted that it wouldn’t be perfect, and that my skills will develop the more I practice.

Secondly, we believe that people like us don’t do things like this, based on the identity we have created for ourselves. To overcome this one, we need to find people like ourselves who are successfully performing the thing we want to do. Then we can learn from them how to bring our identity and what we want to do into line. I did this by changing my view of networking, and reframing it as getting to know people, and finding out how I can help them. This sits firmly within my values, whereas my previous view of networking as trying to get information out of people was too scary a concept for me.

Thirdly, we secretly don’t want to do it, whatever we try to tell ourselves. This is the one that I really struggle with. We value it for extrinsic rather than intrinsic reasons, so we tell ourselves we “should” do something, but our heart isn’t really in it. This is why I never manage to stick with an exercise regime. To overcome this, I need to develop a genuine interest and curiosity in the subject, and link it firmly to my long-term goals and dreams. Intrinsic reasons are more powerful, and allow us to overcome urges and temptations. Extrinsic reasons are weak, and so we are likely to falter, which I have done again and again when it comes to exercise. I need to find a way to become truly interested and curious in what I want to do, if I want to make progress on my goal. If all else fails, I need to link it to my hopes and dreams, and remind myself of that every time I feel tempted to give up.

I hope these tips are as insightful to you as they were to me. Good luck in making progress on all your future goals!

Project 365

I set up this website after deciding that I want to build a more creative life for myself, so I can give up my job and be in control of my own destiny.

I have set myself a goal of publishing an article on my website every day this year, to document my journey from employment to self-employment.

The name I chose was Project 365 because I see this as a year that I have dedicated to learning and self-development, as I countdown to freedom. It started on 1st January 2021, so I have 314 days to go!

Why not check in on a regular basis to see how I am progressing, and what I have discovered?