What pushes your buttons?

What pushes your buttons? Have you ever noticed that some things seem to wind you up much more than they do they average person? Of course, we all have our own unique triggers, but I have found it a useful exercise to analyse the situations when I have become most upset, and try to spot patterns so I can change the behaviour. Otherwise, we just continually make the same mistakes, which leads to repeated suffering and stress.

People pleaser

For me, the main trigger is feeling that I have upset somebody else, or let them down. I am a people pleaser, and I will do nearly anything to avoid conflict. The root cause for this is no doubt buried deep in my subconscious, and I would probably require a psychologist to help me unravel the full story. I think it comes down to my unstable early childhood, and the fact I was always seeking the approval of my father. He was very critical and volatile, and I remember always feeling the need to be good. I cried a lot. I still get overly emotional now. No doubt this is the root of my perfectionist issues as well.

As a young child I learned that the best way to survive was to simply to just do what you’re told and not rock the boat. This feeling became a part of who I am. People pleasers fear disappointment and rejection more than anything else in the world. When I first read this statement, it resonated with me very powerfully. Perhaps it strikes a chord with you too.

Decision making

I can clearly see these patterns in my adult life. I have quite a low self-esteem, and struggle when making decisions. I feel as though I must seek someone else’s opinion on any important decisions I am making. It is as if I don’t trust myself to make the right choice. I am hesitant, and always need my hand holding, fearful that I won’t make the right choice.

Rationally, I know this is nonsense. I am intelligent, and most of my life decisions have worked out well. I trust my gut instincts, and they seem to have taken me down the right path. I don’t know why I feel as though someone else would be able to make better decisions on what to do with my life than me.

That’s partly the reason I want to learn more about psychology, so I can understand the way my mind works. I want to be able to shut up the inner critic, and stop the constant negative thoughts and emotions that plague me. I want to be able to make smart choices about my life, and not feel paralysed by conflict situations. I want to get rid of all the stress and suffering.

Risks

I can easily become depressed. My moods are very unstable and the slightest thing can cause me to feel devastated. Things start to escalate if I am unable to complete a task and I think someone is going to be angry, or disappointed. Exactly the same thing happens if someone criticises me. I realise now that this is caused by my low self-esteem, and the overwhelming fear of disappointment. It takes me straight back to the feeling of being that small bewildered child, trying desperately to calm an angry parent.

I also suffer from anxiety. This develops from the apprehension and overall fear of failure, which results in a state of chronic tension and stress.

I don’t personally have an anger issue, but this may be a risk for some people. If you feel unable to safely vent your frustrations, they may boil over. Try to find a way to share your feelings, to help you manage them before they become problematic.

Solutions

One solution is to learn to practice self-care. We need to set boundaries and stand up for ourselves. This can be hard for those of us who struggle with low self-esteem. We need to set standards for our own wellbeing, and stick to them. For me, this means having a daily routine to make sure I get enough sleep and exercise, eat as well as I can, practice mindfulness and express my creativity through my blog.

It is important to be clear on your priorities in life. My top priority is to find a way to pursue self-employment, so I can create the future lifestyle that I seek and have the chance to pursue my creativity. What are your priorities?

Project 365

I set up this website after deciding that I want to build a more creative life for myself, so I can give up my job and be in control of my own destiny.

I have set myself a goal of publishing an article on my website every day this year, to document my journey from employment to self-employment.

The name I chose was Project 365 because I see this as a year that I have dedicated to learning and self-development, as I countdown to freedom. It started on 1st January 2021, so I have 344 days to go!

Why not check in on a regular basis to see how I am progressing, and what I have discovered?