What is emotional intelligence?

What is emotional intelligence? The ability to understand, use and manage our emotions. Once we learn to master this, we can use it to manage our stress levels, communicate more effectively, relate and empathise with other people, and diffuse conflict situations. This helps us to overcome adversity and challenges, and build strong relationships.

It’s not easy, or intuitive. I have always been someone who jumps straight into situations. I never think before I speak, or take the time to assess what’s happening first. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I speak my mind, and it can get me in trouble at times.

Learning to use emotional intelligence can be the difference between success and failure, and whether you achieve your goals or not.

It can lead to greater happiness, if we allow ourselves to learn how to embrace and develop our emotional intelligence skills.

Key attributes

Emotional intelligence is made up of four key attributes:

Self-management is the ability to control our impulses, and manage our emotions in a healthy way. I am terrible at this. I am ruled by my emotions, and they cause me a huge amount of distress. This is an area I am currently working on, and trying to improve using mindfulness tools and stress management techniques.

Self-awareness is the ability to recognise our emotions and understand how they effect our thoughts and actions. It also involves understanding our own individual strengths and weaknesses. Having self-awareness leads us to develop self-confidence.

Social awareness is the ability to notice the emotions and needs of other people. Also known as empathy, this skill allows us to pick up on the emotional cues people give off. It also allows us to understand the power dynamics within a particular group, and to be able to put people at ease.

Relationship management is the ability to build and maintain relationships with others. The key skills are clear communication, the ability to inspire and influence other people, and the ability to diffuse tension and manage conflicts.

Stress management strategies

These are best remembered as the four As.

Avoid – Avoiding unnecessary stressful situations. Strategies could include avoiding toxic people, places that you find stressful, or negative news/social media. It might involve saying no to taking on too much work or responsibility.

Alter – Change the situation in some way to make it less stressful. A strategy might be to communicate your concerns to someone. Alternatively, you might try to improve your work-life balance and find more time to relax.

Adapt – Rather than changing the problem, you can change your attitude towards it. Changing our mindset can make a problem easier to deal with. This is called reframing. I have realised that once I decided to simplify my life, then my problems didn’t seem as overwhelming. My positive mindset has given me a sense of control and I can look at issues from a more realistic viewpoint. It is easier for me to put things in perspective, and view things in a more positive way.

Accept – Learn to accept the things you cannot change. This allows you more energy to focus on the things where you can make a difference. Stop wasting energy on futile causes. Learn from your mistakes and see them as opportunities for personal development. Accept that you are not responsible for other people’s behaviour. Accept that we all have flaws, and learn to forgive.

Health

Uncontrolled emotions cause us a lot of stress. This has been proven to lead to serious physical and mental health problems. Stress raises blood pressure, which is a contributary factor in heart attacks and strokes. High stress levels can also suppress our immune system, making us more at risk of infections. It may also contribute to infertility. Depression and anxiety can also be exacerbated by stress, negatively affecting our mental health and resilience. I hope this article helps you to use emotional intelligence skills to reduce the stress in your life, and improve your overall health and happiness!

Project 365

I set up this website after deciding that I want to build a more creative life for myself, so I can give up my job and be in control of my own destiny.

I have set myself a goal of publishing an article on my website every day this year, to document my journey from employment to self-employment.

The name I chose was Project 365 because I see this as a year that I have dedicated to learning and self-development, as I countdown to freedom. It started on 1st January 2021, so I have 350 days to go!

Why not check in on a regular basis to see how I am progressing, and what I have discovered?