How do I silence the inner critic?

How do I silence the inner critic? You know the one. You’re feeling all motivated, and ready to go ahead with your resolutions. But something keeps making you put things off. You have a little nagging voice in your head that holds an inner dialogue with you. It tells you that you absolutely must do the washing up first, and it promises that you will then be able to relax enough to write that article you have been putting off. Or you remember that you promised to do something for somebody, and you feel guilty spending time on yourself. Then you berate yourself for not getting around to doing what you promised yourself, and your inner critic has a field day. “See, I told you that you didn’t have the bottle for this.” It feels so demoralising. Why on earth do we do this to ourselves, and what can we do about it?

Acceptance

Well, the very first thing you can do about it is know that what you are feeling is absolutely normal. Everybody feels this way. Some of us have just had a bit more practice at shutting up the inner critic than others. My mind really won’t shut up, and it can be quite exhausting. It’s one of the main reasons I said “enough is enough” and have put my foot down firmly. I have made a stand and publicly declared that I want to make big changes in my life. Knowing that what you are feeling is normal helps us to accept it, which then allows us to start making positive changes.

Recognition

For me, this is why mindfulness is so important in my life. The unhelpful thoughts have been floating around my mind for so long that I felt helpless. I needed to take control of my life back. The first step is learning to recognise the internal chatter of our inner critic. To be able to do that, you need to create some space in your life. When we are all rushing around from one task to another it doesn’t allow us time to reflect. If we don’t make the time, then nothing will ever change. Only you can make the decision to make it happen.

Start small

It doesn’t need to be a massive investment of your time. Just set aside ten minutes of your day. Allocate a slot in your day, and label it your “me-time”. Nothing is more important, so don’t let the inner critic trick you into doing something it says is more important. You are in control. You don’t have to schedule a rigid time, it’s perfectly fine to be flexible and move the slot if something urgent comes up. Just make sure you keep your commitment to yourself.

Regularity

It’s very important that you stick to your plan, ideally with daily sessions. If possible, you want to commit to a minimum time frame of eight weeks. The science proves that if you practice something regularly, it will become a habit. Once a habit is embedded, it becomes much easier to maintain going forward. It’s getting over the hurdle of the first stage that is most difficult. Another timescale I have heard mentioned a lot is 66 days. It doesn’t really matter whether you set the challenge as eight weeks or 66 days, because the idea is that you will then take it forward for the rest of your life. Feel free to pick whatever feels right for you. Just make a start!

Procrastination

For me, the most important thing is to just get started. Everything seems much easier after I take that first step. It also gives me a huge boost of energy and sense of achievement when I realise that I have achieved one of my goals. The trick is to make the goals obtainable. If they are too stretching, you are setting yourself up to fail from the start.

Your inner critic will encourage you to keep putting things off. It can always find something more important to do instead. It is insidious, and you always need to be on your guard. You may notice that it says things that are much harsher than things you would say to someone else. It really isn’t fair to treat ourselves so harshly and expect perfectionism. I decided to make  a promise to be much kinder to myself moving forward.

What to do

Use your ten minutes to just sit quietly, somewhere you won’t be disturbed. You can either follow a guided mindfulness practice, like I do, or you can just focus on your breathing. Pay particular attention to the negative thoughts and emotions that keep cropping up. That’s your inner critic. Firmly tell yourself that those thoughts aren’t helpful to you, and refocus on the breathing or the guided practice.

In time, the negative thoughts will come less and less. You really can retrain your brain. Ideally, we should aim to always be living firmly in the moment, without our minds dragging us constantly back to relive past events or worry about future ones. We can be most productive right now, in the current moment.

Can you commit to ten minutes a day, to shut your inner critic up once and for all? If not, ask yourself the question why not. Make sure you answer honestly. This is your life, and only you can make these changes. Can you afford not to?

Project 365

I set up this website after deciding that I want to build a more creative life for myself, so I can give up my job and be in control of my own destiny.

I have set myself a goal of publishing an article on my website every day this year, to document my journey from employment to self-employment.

The name I chose was Project 365 because I see this as a year that I have dedicated to learning and self-development, as I countdown to freedom. It started on 1st January 2021, so I have 345 days to go!