How can I learn to understand people better?

How can I learn to understand people better? I have just watched this extremely powerful TED talk by Larry Rosen. He feels it is possible to understand everyone at a deep and meaningful level, no matter how different they are from you.

People choose their paths in life for the same internal reasons. They want respect, a sense of belonging, and to make a difference in their worlds. Human behaviour may be very complex and varied, but human motivation is simple, and at this level we are all identical.

There are around thirty basic human motivations, which can be split into three main categories. Firstly, there are our physical survival needs, including air, food and water. Secondly, there are our relational needs to receive and share with those we love and in our community. Thirdly, there are our aspirational needs for development and adventure.

All human behaviour, no matter how bizarre, is designed to fulfil one of these common needs. If we look closely, we can usually find that the other person just wants to be loved and respected. Common needs drive our behaviour, and we can use this concept to understand people.

We can use the analogy that needs are effectively our human life force. Neuroscience has shown that our unconscious is constantly evaluating the world, looking out for danger. Then it motivates our mind and body by creating either fear or happiness using neurotransmitters. The evaluation criteria for sensing danger are inherited by all of us. They evolved because they allowed us to survive, relate to others, and reproduce. If we feel respected, loved, and that we are able to help others, the brain produces chemicals to create a sense of pleasure. If we don’t, we will feal anxious and fearful, and hopefully take action to change our situation for the better.

We can learn to understand people’s hidden motivations. Whenever we think that someone is acting out of spite or revenge, we need to look deeper. These are not basic human needs. It doesn’t give anyone pleasure to hurt someone. Often it is a cry for help or a need for understanding, so that they can express their intense personal suffering, to feel heard and understood.

It can be difficult to seek to understand others during conflict, because we fear this means we will be condoning actions we disagree with. Understanding someone’s reasons is not condoning, and can be used to start healing. We can start to understand their need to be accepted, and start to transform our relationships, to help us find solutions to our conflicts.

Project 365

I set up this website after deciding that I want to build a more creative life for myself, so I can give up my job and be in control of my own destiny.

I have set myself a goal of publishing an article on my website every day this year, to document my journey from employment to self-employment.

The name I chose was Project 365 because I see this as a year that I have dedicated to learning and self-development, as I countdown to freedom. It started on 1st January 2021, so I have 283 days to go!