How can I learn to relax?

How can I learn to relax? I have just watched an absolutely fascinating TED talk by Edward Slingerland. He talks about the paradox of trying to relax, for example when you have insomnia, or are worried about an interview, first date, exam or presentation.

Edward explains that some of our goals simply cannot be achieved by striving, for example charisma, creativity, love of learning, or in fact any type of love, and having fun. These all have to happen in a spontaneous way, and effort is counterproductive.

He goes on to explain that our latest understanding of human cognition shows our thinking to be deeply embodied, meaning we think with our bodies, rather than our bodies and minds being split.

It’s important to understand that there are two type of cognition, which are known by a variety of names. Hot cognition (system one) is emotional, fast and automatic. Cold cognition (system two) is slow, deliberate, and under conscious control. Because we are only aware of system two, we often find that our hot cognition seems completely alien.

So how do we get around the paradox, to let us learn to relax? Various helpful strategies came from early Chinese philosophy. Taoism and Confucianism both have a very embodied picture of the self, which includes emotions. Two of the most helpful concepts are Wu Wei and De.

Wu Wei, which means effortless action, and describes being in flow. Essentially it involves losing your self-consciousness. Edward feels this may involve shifting from system two to system one cognition. Being absorbed in something bigger than yourself, that you care about, is key to getting into flow. This could involve family, friends, hobbies, nature, or anything else that makes us feel part of something bigger.

De is the force that emanates from someone who is in Wu Wei, or who is in flow. Basically, it describes the charisma which attracts people to want to follow you, and is key to them trusting you. This may have evolved because in order for human cooperation to work, we need to rely on emotional commitment from the other party, such as loyalty and trust. However, this leads to the danger of faked commitment, and therefore humans have evolved to become very good at reading subtle facial expressions that signal people’s true emotions. We can tell when other people are relaxed and spontaneous, and we naturally trust that they don’t have an ulterior motive.

Embodied cognition is very fragile, and we need to be careful not to drown it with too much information. We need to create space for spontaneity to arise, and then nurture it and allow it to grow. I loved this TED talk and will definitely be looking to learn more about this topic soon. My aim is to spot when I am about to be triggered by a stressor, and learn to switch my cognition to system two. Hopefully you will find this talk equally useful!

Project 365

I set up this website after deciding that I want to build a more creative life for myself, so I can give up my job and be in control of my own destiny.

I have set myself a goal of publishing an article on my website every day this year, to document my journey from employment to self-employment.

The name I chose was Project 365 because I see this as a year that I have dedicated to learning and self-development, as I countdown to freedom. It started on 1st January 2021, so I have 290 days to go!